The Homesteady

My Sister's Getting Married! Engagement Party Dresses Roundup

My younger sister Phoebe is engaged! She and her partner Alec are getting married in 2024, and I couldn't be more excited to officially welcome him to our family (although truly, he's been a beloved part of our crew for years!).

Phoebe and Alec are celebrating their engagement with a soirée in New York City this fall, and I rented a pretty dress for the do. Here are the four I considered...

Top: Black Lace Retro Sleeve Sheath by Jill Jill Stuart and Syrah Stripe Seam Dress by HALSTON
Bottom: Side Drape Dress by Hutch and Gold Garland Party Dress by Slate & Willow

I chose the Hutch! It's just so fun. (This isn't a sponsored post, but one of my favorite things about renting a dress instead of buying is that I can try something a little different without committing to a purchase – plus it's better for the environment!)

Introducing: Favor Films

Kristie and I have finally wrestled our wedding video side gig to life. Visit Favor Films and follow us on Instagram!

How to officiate a wedding

I've officiated nearly a half dozen weddings over the past couple of years, and each one has been very different! One thing that's always the same is the honor of being so intimately involved in a dear friend's celebration. (Really, there's nothing like it.)

Luckily, the general steps and preparation are usually the same, too. In case you've been asked to perform a friend or family member's ceremony this summer, I thought I'd share a list of things that might be helpful! (My baby bump and I will be officiating another wedding this July :)

There's a lot of information here, but being asked to officiate a wedding is a huge compliment and a huge responsibility. It's something I take really seriously.

First, the legal stuff...

Getting ordained

This is obviously important. Unless the couple has stated clearly that they have other plans to make their union legal, it's up to you. Lots of states offer one-day ordinations allowing you to perform a wedding ceremony on one previously stated day (that's what our officiant, one of my BFFs Steve, did).

If you think more weddings might be in your future, consider a two-year ordination. I'm ordained through the Universal Life Church. It's fairly low cost (I think I spent $30), which could make for a nice wedding gift if you don't want the couple to reimburse you.

(Note: Prior to officiating Mike and Chiara's wedding, pictured here, I purchased the New York City package since NYC requires additional paperwork. Always check with the county in which your couple is marrying for their specific laws and requirements.)

Whether you decide to go with a one-day ordination or two-year, do it as early in advance of the wedding as possible.

Oh, and bring all your ordination documents with you to the wedding! Local laws differ, but I believe you must have them on hand if anyone requests to see them.

Filling out the license

This part tends to be a little stressful for me – almost more so than the ceremony itself! You really don't want to mess up filling out the license.

• I usually ask my couple to pick up their license prior to the ceremony themselves (they usually live closer to where the wedding is taking place).
• Try to fill out as much of it as you can before the ceremony, preferably with a less stressed out person looking over your shoulder. Have the bride(s) and groom(s) fill out their own information sections to minimize the risk of mistakes.
• It helps to have the date and time of the ceremony, as well as the complete address of the venue, written down somewhere else prior to filling out the form so you won't have to scramble for this info. 
• You have a new title thanks to getting ordained, likely "Minister." Pay attention to when you have to use that on the form.
• Have at least one witness from the ceremony on hand to fill out the witness info. (Note: This can be a really nice way to honor someone beloved to the couple.)
• Double and triple check everything before mailing the license, or having the couple mail it. The city clerk has to receive it within 10 days. Once the city clerk records the marriage, the union is legal and binding!
• You and the couple will usually receive copies of the marriage license from the city clerk. Double check with the county in which they're marrying to see what their modus operandi is.

Okay, now let's get to the fun stuff...

Writing the ceremony

This is fun because it's a completely different process with every couple. Some want to orchestrate the entire ceremony themselves and just have you read it, and others want to be surprised on the big day by what you've written! Communication between you and the couple is so important. Here are a few questions I typically ask about the ceremony...

• How long would they like the ceremony to last? (A popular answer lately has been 15-20 minutes.)
• Are they planning to write and exchange their own vows?
• Is there anyone they want to honor by having them come up and give a special reading, or perform a musical piece?
• If children are involved, does the new step-parent want to have special vows to give to the child? (This one's always a tearjerker!)
• During the exchange of rings, do they want it to be traditional, or customized for their relationship? (Something like, I, John, promise to only grow out my mustache once a year...)
• Are any special rituals going to be incorporated? (Chiara and Mike chose to do the traditional Jewish breaking of the glass to conclude their ceremony.)

Even if you've known the couple for a long time, relationships always look different to the people inside them. Meet with the couple together (or have a phone call or Facetime if you live further away) to discuss their ceremony, and then communicate with them individually to find out what it is they love about their partner, and why they're excited to marry them. Collect inside jokes and the sweet tiny things that make their relationship special, and weave these into your ceremony. If you're closer to one partner than the other, write about what it was like to witness their relationship unfold from the early days. Reminisce. Be kind, honest, and funny (appropriately so). Don't let yourself cry too much – but try to include something that will make everyone else cry. 

Here's a rough draft of a typical ceremony's outline:

• Hello/thank you (Please be seated, thank you for coming, honoring beloved family members who have passed away)
• Introduction (How the couple met, how the proposal happened, how you know them)
• Reading 1
• Reading 2
• Partner 1 vow
• Partner 2 vow
• Exchange of rings
• Conclusion (What marriage means, next part of journey/adventure together)
• Pronunciation

Then go to the reception and drink lots and lots of wine ;)

Give yourself enough time to draft the ceremony once or twice. Go over it again and again. Read it out loud to determine the ideal pacing, and make sure it matches the timing that the couple is looking for. 

Print the entire ceremony out in a big font (that you'll be able to read through tears) and keep it in a nice folder that won't distract too much in the wedding photos. If the couple is reading their own vows, keep them in the folder too on separate paper and hand them to the partner when it's their turn. (You don't want them to have to hold a piece of paper while walking down the aisle.) Keep the license in this folder as well, and remember to pull the couple and the witness aside in a quiet space right after the ceremony to get everything signed before the party starts. Oh, and tuck a Kleenex or two in there too. You never know which of the three of you might need it!

Remember, one of the best parts about having a friend or family member officiate your wedding is that you can customize it to exactly what you want! Craft the ceremony to reflect the couple. Be open to leaving out what doesn't resonate with them, and emphasizing what does. Communicate with the couple again and again through the ceremony-writing process.

Getting dressed

It was fun to work with Chiara to pick out what I'd wear to officiate her and Mike's wedding. I knew there were bold colors in her venue, but I hadn't seen it in person, so I relied on her recommendations to pick out something that didn't clash too much. (Pictures matter!) 

Basically, the rule I rely on is not to detract or distract whatsoever from what the bride(s) and groom(s) are wearing. I know I don't have to tell you this, but this is not your wedding. If you have doubts about your outfit, check with the couple beforehand (but like, beforehand enough so that you don't add to their pre-wedding stress). 

Since my gender expression skews more traditionally female and I'm comfortable wearing dresses, I almost always utilize Rent the Runway for my officiant outfits. RTR is an affiliate sponsor of this blog, but I want you to know I used them looong before blogging even entered my mind! (Real quick, here's how it works: You rent a designer dress for a few days for a fraction of its purchase price. They send you a second size for free in case the first one doesn't fit. All you have to do is pop the dress back in the pre-paid envelope and send it back when you're done.) 

This is the dress that I'm wearing in these photos, which Chiara and I picked out together. I think I'll probably use Rent the Runway again for the July wedding I have – RTR has a section of bump-friendly dresses available.

I like planning to complement the wedding colors the couple has chosen. (When in doubt, grey is always a safe bet.) Choose something that matches the formality level of the wedding. Take fabrics into mind depending on the season and whether the ceremony will be held outside.

Here are a few I'd consider...

1. Pink Sonder Dress by C/MEO Collective
2. Navy Beaux Dress by Shoshanna
3. Stone Halter Sheath by Amanda Uprichard
4. Purple Marilyn Dress by allison parris
5. Teal Jolie Dress by Cinq à Sept
6. Berry Sunday Tulip Shift by CYNTHIA STEFFE

You can also rent jewelry. Okay, that's all I'm gonna say about that!

Rehearsing

As officiant, it's your duty to take the reins during the ceremony portion of the rehearsal. Have a schedule written out beforehand that you're prepared to distribute to anyone who wants it – the couple, their attendants, anyone doing a reading, the wedding planner.

Here's an example of a rough schedule I printed at the top of one of my recent ceremonies, which lasted 20 minutes:

5:30 p.m. Ceremony start: Introduction & thank-you
5:35 p.m. Reading 1
5:40 p.m. Reading 2
5:45 p.m. Exchange of vows
5:50 p.m. Conclusion
6:00 p.m. Cocktail hour starts

The wedding planner, if their venue offers one or if the couple hired one, will help you with the rehearsal. Confirm with them or someone from the venue whether you'll be using a standing microphone, handheld microphone, clip-on microphone, or just your outdoor voice when conducting the ceremony. Make sure you know beforehand exactly how all the tech works.

Be prepared to answer questions from the couple and their wedding party (like when the license will be signed, who is reading what and when, etc.), and to remind everyone in the processional that they'll have to walk more slowly than they think they will!

Officiating

Speak slowly. Enunciate. Take deep breaths. Cry a tiny bit if you have to, but remain in control. Take your time. Remember: Nobody is looking at you. They're all focused on the happy couple! 

*Images of Chiara and Mike's NYC wedding used with permission by Emma Cleary Photography. See a few pics from her bachelorette party! Affiliate links are used in this post.

Minted is turning 9 & having a huge sale to celebrate

If you've been waiting to purchase a print, stationery set, or wedding invitations from Minted, I promise now is the right time to order! Minted is celebrating their ninth anniversary with a huge sitewide sale – think Black Friday, but in springtime.

I've worked Minted for most of my blogging life, and I'm excited to celebrate with them and share some of my favorite art pieces and wedding invites you can get for way cheap (but only until April 3!) 

Use the code NINE for 15% off sitewide. 

I love the dreamy neutral colors in the Parisian Windows print.
The blues in the Lands 11 print are rich and complex. 

Sweet baby deer! Perfect for a nursery.
The Stretching sketch print is simple and tender.


The Painted Chevron wedding invitations are only available through July 2017!

Again with these pretty blues on the Constellations wedding invitations.

I can't get over the abstract and uber-cool Adagio invites!

And I gasped out loud when I saw the Rolling Hills invitations. Hey Kristie, want to get married again? 

See Minted products in action at my parents' surprise anniversary party, a post celebrating National Letter Writing Month, Kristie's soda-themed birthday party, in our living room, and when I hosted a craft swap.

*This post contains affiliate links. Offer includes all products, excluding art styling services, Minted More membership program, and commissioned original art. Offer does not apply to shipping and tax. Cannot be combined with any other offers or promotions, including discounted credit.

How to throw an unforgettable bachelor/ette party (step one: read my new book!)

Hi everyone! Guess what. I wrote a Kindle e-book, and it's up on Amazon, and it's $2.99 -or- free if you're a Kindle Unlimited subscriber, which I mean, why not be that.

Let me tell you about it. I've been planning what feels like approximately a million bachelor/ette parties this year and I get (for the most part, ha!) so much freaking joy out of it. I'm no longer doing any event planning on the side in the interest of extreme self-preservation, but I still wanted it to be a part of my life. So I wrote a book about it!

"Book" might be generous. It's not a novel. But it is 20 pages of really good ideas. Like, the best ways to get everyone to pay you back for their share of the party; tips on staying organized and managing an RSVP list; how to choose a theme (plus nine kick-ass theme ideas); gift ideas for guests; a list of my favorite sources for party decorations; and so much more. Including a complete six-month party planning checklist at the end to keep you inspired and on schedule!

It's all based on the premise that bachelor/ette parties, while really no longer an excuse to have one last carte blanche fling before getting locked into a lifetime of bonded commitment (could not be more over that tired sexist reputation), are still so important. These pre-wedding parties have one crucial purpose: To introduce wedding party members and close friends to one another, allowing them to bond and create their own relationships before the big day. Aside from an anonymous benefactor who offers to foot the bill for your reception, there’s nothing that ensures your wedding will go smoothly better than your attendants knowing each other well. They will work together better should any crises arise, the dance floor will be roughly a hundred times more fun, and everyone will look more comfortable and happier in photos – because they are. All of these bachelor/ette party results (and more) will help make the happy couple’s day go smoothly, and be more enjoyable overall.

(And most of that paragraph was copied and pasted directly from the book, so you have that quality of writing to look forward to.)

Check it out if you're getting ready to plan a party for a friend who's getting married, or if you just want to give me 70% of $2.99, whatever that is (I refuse to do the actual math on principle). Read it on any Kindle, or on the Kindle app. Please leave me a review on Amazon if you like it. And tag your Instagram photos of the party #thebachsteady! Planning this kind of party can come with a lot of pressure and questions, and hopefully this e-book will help with some of that :) 

THANK YOU!!!

PS - A few bach parties of the past: Steve's whiskey-themed bachelor party in Brooklyn; Chiara's sparkly NYC bachelorette party; and Cara's girls' weekend in Portland, Maine. Plus an oldie: Our joint bachelorette party!

*Affiliate links are used in this post.

Putting a ring on it

Kristie and I had been talking about getting married for ages and ages before we actually got engaged. I ordered a matching set of simple sterling silver bands from Etsy – wider for her, more narrow for me – for like maybe $40. And then one Sunday morning while we were drinking coffee and watching TV in our bathrobes, I brought out the rings and asked her to marry me. (And we know how that ended :)

Because I am extremely skilled at all things clumsy, my ring soon snapped. It wasn't that well made to begin with, and I think I got it caught on a door handle. So I started wearing a simple gold band I'd found in my grandmother's jewelry box after she died. That's the ring Kristie put on my finger during our wedding ceremony. 

For a long time, that band by itself was perfect. But my tastes started to change, and I thought I might like a ring with a diamond, or at least a lookalike stone. I'd given a lot of thought to the history and culture and (some might say) possessive misogyny of wedding and engagement rings, and what it meant to me to have that symbol visible on my body. (And, of course, the sad reality that many modern diamonds have a source of horror.) When all was said and done and not funding a warlord in a developing country, ultimately I decided I think they're pretty. I like looking at the ring I have now and thinking about our wedding day, about how much I like being married to Kristie. I like that I can wear a wedding ring, that my marriage is legal. It even feels a tiny bit subversive to be participating in (what was formerly) such a heteronormative tradition. 

Kristie spotted my ring a year ago in a messy box of jewelry when we were at the Brimfield Flea Market. It was $20 and fit my teeny-tiny ring finger perfectly (I'm a size 5!). The width is even complementary to my grandmother's ring, which I wear as a wedding band now. It's from the 1920s apparently, and while the stone is cubic zirconia and the band is permanently tarnished, I adore it. But wearing it every day is starting to take its toll on the poor thing. You (really) can't look too closely at it without seeing the obvious and increasing tarnishing, and sometimes it leaves a green line on my finger. I try to remember to take it off when I shower or do dishes, but I think that's stemming the ring's aging only a little bit. Plus now the stone is loose. I think it's probably time for an upgrade.

So...what do I want? 

Gold, to match my wedding band.

I would love it if the ring were vintage, and gold-filled so it will hopefully last longer. 

Size 5. And that's not that easy to find when it comes to vintage. So maybe if it were handmade by a cool artisan somewhere?

Which leads me to...budget. Like $100 or under I think. Which crosses off a lot of options, I know. 

A classic, simple or one-of-a-kind style. Nothing too gaudy.

I look around at every estate sale, every flea market, and on Etsy occasionally too. It's nice not to have the pressure of an impending wedding as a deadline for finding the right ring, but at the same time, I wish I were prioritizing it more. I'm worried about the days my current ring has left (you can see it here). But I waited for the right person...I think I can wait for the right ring too :) 

An unplanned father-daughter wedding dance, a Father's Day gift & a giveaway

I hadn't planned a father-daughter dance during our wedding reception. But that didn't matter – it happened anyway.

As a person who has struggled with anxiety for more than half my life, I figured I'd be in the spotlight enough on my wedding day without an extra dance. (Plus, even though it doesn't apply in any way to my relationship with my dad, there's that whole patriarchal history of father-daughter dances to consider.)

After my wife Kristie and I finished our first dance as newlyweds, we looked at each other with relief and joy. We were done, married, finished being stared at! It was time to drink, dance, and interact one-on-one with the people we love (something we're each a lot more comfortable with). 

But then "Twist & Shout" by the Beatles started to play. My dad and I found each other on the dance floor as it began to fill up with other people. Our shared love for the band is one of my favorite ways to show him how much I love him – and it has been for as long as I can remember. Even when I was a total nightmare of a teenager, we had the Beatles. And that meant we had each other. 

So we danced. It might not have been the typical father-daughter dance (or father-daughter dance moves), but it was the Beatles. Our Beatles. And it was us. 

It didn't matter anymore how many people were staring at me. This wasn't about them. This was about my dad and me, dancing together. I'm so glad we did it.

Another love my dad and I have shared through the decades is photography and filmmaking. (Our jobs are even similar – we both work in higher ed communications departments making videos!) We share tips and projects we're proud of, and have even attended workshops together. Naturally I love getting him photo-themed gifts for holidays and his birthday. That made it easy to partner with Snapfish (already the only website I use to order photo prints) on their Father's Day campaign. 

I chose two things my dad loves – photography and his family – to create a one-of-a-kind aluminum print for him to hang in his office. I was tempted to use a picture of us from my wedding, but I guess he does have two other kids and wife that he loves too ;) I wanted to include everyone in our immediate family, so I selected a photo Kristie took of us at my sister's graduation. 

It turned out so cool! I've never seen a print like this before, and I love it. It's a photo printed on a piece of dang metal. I have no idea how I'd even start to DIY it, so I'm extra thankful for Snapfish. Tempted to keep it, but it is Father's Day after all :) 

And now! How would you like to enter to win $50 to Snapfish to make your dad something cool? Enter below... (Winners will be randomly selected and notified by Clever Girls and/or Snapfish by Friday, June 17.)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Wedding photos by Love & Perry Photography

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Chiara's sparkly NYC bachelorette party

This is a story of LOVE, with a little bit of frustration. The "love" part is easy. Chiara and I have been joined at the hip since we started college together 11 years ago. Life by her side is constantly fun, hilarious, and meaningful. I'm so honored to be officiating her wedding next month! And, with Katy and Chiara's future sister-in-law Lindsay, to throw her an awesome bachelorette party last weekend.

The frustration? My camera. I don't know what's happening to it – maybe it's just getting older. (It's probably time for a new one. You might see an extra sponsored post or two in the next few months while I try to save up.) Anyway, all of a sudden I had the space for five pictures, and only five. I'm so glad to have these five photos – and these women in my life. 

So it'll be up to the writing! Let me paint a picture for you...

Katy and Kristie and I drove down to Manhattan on Saturday afternoon. We checked into our hotel and started to decorate. Looking at the pictures online ahead of time, we saw most of the rooms were already decorated in shades of red, so decided to go with gold for our party. How much do you love these sparkly curtains Katy found?! They doubled as perfect photo backdrops.

This was one of my favorite projects! Katy sourced black post-its and gold Sharpies, and we listed all the reasons we love Chiara, sticking them on the bathroom mirror in the shape of a heart (a version of #46 on this list). We left more post-its and markers in the bathroom so people could add to the heart during the party.

A few other hotel room details: For favors, I made jewelry dishes with each woman's name using this tutorial. I also made gemstone drink stirrers for our cocktails. Katy found the most perfect crown for Chiara from this shop on Etsy. And I wore a dress from Rent the Runway that was so much fun! 

The five of us had a drink in the hotel room before heading across the street to Cantina, where our group grew to 15 and we had the most amazingly delicious Mexican food (and tequila). After dinner, we went back to the hotel room for some pre-gaming (and a drinking game or two), and then back again to Cantina for a quiet clubbing dance party on the rooftop! This was so. much. fun. Everyone has their own pair of headphones and can manually switch between three different channels being live DJed. Your headphones change color depending on what channel you're listening to. It was awesome. I honestly didn't know what to expect – either it would be great, or we'd all have a ridiculous experience together. But I would go back! It was cool.

Ugh these cuties. Chiara's bridal shower was the next day, and it was so nice to spend the weekend celebrating her and Mike. I can't wait for their wedding in June! 

*Affiliate links are used in this post.

Steve's whiskey bachelor party in Brooklyn

One of my closest friends in the world, Steve, is getting married in June! As his "best woman," it was my duty (and pleasure, obviously) to throw his bachelor party, which we celebrated over the weekend in Brooklyn. I set up a tour and tasting at Kings County Distillery, and made a reservation for a steak dinner. We spent the rest of the evening drinking whiskey and playing board games in the coolest apartment I've ever stayed in. (Use this link for $20 off your first trip.) Keep scrolling for photos and details!

I seriously want to be friends with the people who live here. 

I slept in this bed, and the linen sheets were delicious. Must invest in some!

I borrowed an idea from A Beautiful Mess and customized whiskey tumblers with the name of each wedding attendant using paint pens. The writing is waterproof (unless you scrub hard or it goes through a dishwasher), so it made a fun favor for everyone to use that night, and then take home. 

I also made letter pins for everybody to wear! I used a wood burning kit on small wood rounds, then hot-glued them to pin backs. 

The distillery was so cool. I thought it smelled so good! 

We had a great tour and learned so much about not just the distilling process, but also the history of whiskey in New York City. We also got a great group photo. See everybody's pins? (Also omg I'm so short.)

The tour was followed by a whiskey tasting. I was driving, so I only had a sip of moonshine, but bought a bottle for later use :) It is so tasty! 

Dinner was fabulous. The staff at Destefano's knew we were a bachelor party, and very kindly gifted us a round of limoncello for dessert.

On our way back to the apartment, we stopped by a random liquor store to get (more) whiskey, and stumbled across – wouldn't you know it – another whiskey tasting! Haha that was definitely a theme. We spent the rest of the evening drinking and playing Scattergories back at the apartment. I had prizes for winners of each round, wrapped in wood grain paper from Noteworthy: A set of leather coasters, a bottle of (you guessed it) whiskey, and a cross stitch I did of Ron Swanson (find the pattern here). 

The next morning it was rainy, so we ordered bagel sandwiches for delivery and curled up on the couch to watch crappy movies on Comedy Central while the boys taught me how to use Snapchat. I can't think of a better way for the adventure to end :) Steve, we love you, and can't wait for you and Anna to make it official! 

PS: A bachelorette weekend in Portland, ME, and my parents' surprise anniversary party.

*This post contains affiliate links

Third anniversary cake

My wife and I have been married for almost three whole years! Our anniversary is May 18, and because the next few months are soooo busy with work trips, graduations, bachelor/ette parties, weddings, and more, we celebrated a little early this year. Since the traditional gift for a third anniversary is leather, I made little leather cake flags – as well as a chocolate cake, of course.

I made the flags by cutting out little triangles of leather, using an awl to pierce holes, and then threading them on string and hanging them between two bamboo skewers.

Oh, and I used fondant for the very first time! It was so much fun. I wrote song lyrics from our wedding ceremony on it with edible markers before draping it over the cake. 

I couldn't believe how pretty it turned out! Little peonies from Whole Foods helped (and reminded me of our wedding, of course). I love peonies – don't you just want to take a bite out of them? 


My fondant skills definitely need a little more work, but I'm happy to report the cake was delicious, and the flowers are still coloring up our home, reminding us of the best day ever. Here's to a million more years with Kristie by my side :)