The Homesteady

Miles is one

We reserved two picnic tables at an indoor park one town over. I baked the cake, and saved extra junk food to put on a matching store-bought one. Three little friends, their parents, and my family joined us for two hours on a Saturday. Together, we celebrated our one-year-old.

Magic 8 Ball pregnant Halloween costume

Last Halloween I was very pregnant and grouchy, and fully committed to not dressing up as anything for Halloween. I was ready to eat all the Halloween candy we'd bought (psst – no one trick-or-treats in our neighborhood, so Kristie and I both knew exactly who that "just in case" purchase was really for), and watch a scary movie or two. 

I changed my tune for a Halloween party. It was being thrown by Kristie's boss and I wanted to go with her, and couldn't not go in costume. My hormone-addled brain started turning over ideas for round costumes, and I finally wrung out a memory of one of my favorite childhood toys: the Magic 8 Ball! [affiliate link] 

By this time, I was feeling totally charged up and creative, and suddenly very excited about dressing up. So it wasn't enough to have my belly just look like the toy – it had to "work," too! 

Here's how I made it...

1. I bought two black t-shirts. One I painted with the 8 ball (top shirt), and cut a whole in the other (bottom shirt).
2. I cut out little triangles of blue cardstock and put a few of the short little answers on them with letter stickers (you know, "No," "Yes," "Maybe," etc.).
3. I filled a Ziplock bag with clear aloe vera gel mixed with purple food coloring, sealed it, and bagged it again. I left the top of the outer bag open so I could switch out the triangles as needed (they sat behind the gel bag and inside the outer bag).
4. I taped the bags to my skin under the two shirts, leaving top untaped so I could switch triangles, although I ended up just leaving "No" in there the whole night. (It was the theme of my third trimester!)

That's that! The party was fun, even though a few people thought I was a cue ball (it's okay, I get it). I shared the photos on Facebook and Instagram, but never here until now. 

I'm having the same surge of creative energy for Miles's Halloween costume this year. I didn't really feel any particular inspiration until Kristie came up with a simple DIY costume idea for him, which I metaphorically snatched from her hands and then made approximately 10 times more complicated ;) As with the Magic 8 Ball costume, I forgot I had a blog until it was too late to take process photos, so I'll share the finished product after Halloween! 

8 DIY baby toys that encourage sensory play

Drums // Sensory bag
Pretzel rattle [affiliate link] // High contrast quiet book
Wooden rattles // Ribbon pull toy
City playmat // Crinkly tag toy

All the images in this round-up belong to the websites with which they are associated.

How to survive the first few weeks with a newborn

I received product and compensation from Mead Johnson Nutrition to create this post written by me. All experiences and opinions expressed in this post are my own and not those of Mead Johnson Nutrition. You can contact Mead Johnson Nutrition with product related questions or comments toll-free at 1-800-BABY-123 (1-800-222-9123).

In the first few weeks after Miles’s birth, everything felt new and different. My body, for sure. Kristie’s and my relationship? Definitely. Our house? Yup; we even rearranged the furniture in our living room so that for the first six weeks of his life, we could take shifts sleeping on the couch next to the bassinet while the other wife got uninterrupted rest upstairs.

And then, of course, there was the baby.

All of a sudden this amazing, new, small, confusing human was living with us – and dependent on Kristie and me for everything. (No pressure, right?) But we all made it through the newborn days – I even caught myself missing those middle-of-the-night feedings recently!

In addition to the living room sleeping arrangement (somewhat unconventional I think, but it worked for us until he was sleeping longer stretches, and until we all missed each other too much!), here are a few more things that helped make those newborn days – and nights – a little easier.

• A village. We didn’t get out much during Miles’s first few months. He was born in late November, and we weren’t feeling quite brave enough to take our tiny son out into the cold and flu germs very often. But my parents live about an hour away from us, and I kid you not we (happily!) saw them at least every weekend for Miles’s first 16 weeks! My brother and sister came, too, as often as they could. Friends brought food, hand-me-downs, gifts, and more – just socializing with other adults felt like such a relief sometimes.
• Gentle formula. Poor baby Miles took after me – and a LOT of other babies – and was a pretty gassy newborn. It sounds cute (aww, baby farts!), but gas can actually be uncomfortable for babies. Sometimes Miles was so uncomfortable he didn’t want to sleep or eat – just cry. This was obviously super distressing to his mothers (especially combined with sleep deprivation and postpartum healing). We spent a lot of time burping him, bicycling his legs, massaging his tummy. Finally we switched his formula to Enfamil NeuroPro™ Gentlease® Baby Formula. (Miles has been combo-fed – breastfeeding, pumped milk, and formula – since day one. Actually, since hour one! I had to have surgery right after he was born, so Kristie got to give him his first meal: a bottle of formula. I love looking back at those sweet first pictures of them together.) Enfamil NeuroPro™ Gentlease® is a gentle formula for easing fussiness, gas, and crying in 24 hours that has small, gentle easy-to-digest proteins. Plus, Gentlease is the #1 Pediatrician recommended brand for gassy and fussy babies. It’s the choice we keep making for Miles’s formula even today!

• Outside time – every day. For me, not the baby. Even when it was a blizzard outside, I left the house to walk up and down the street, go to the store, walk the dog downtown. Sometimes I would bring Miles in the stroller or carrier, but the point was to get myself out of the house. Even if it was just for 10 minutes.
• A moms group. I joined the moms group at the hospital where I delivered, and we met weekly on Fridays. I can’t overstate how powerful it was to connect with other mothers, some of whom were going through exactly what I was, and others who could tell us that it gets better! The group helped me build my crew of invaluable mom friends, and we’re all still in touch.

These are tips that worked for me – make sure you try different things, and see what works best for your baby and for you. Then, DO THAT THING! Soon, it won’t feel like you’re just surviving – you’ll be thriving.

Visit https://www.enfamil.com/enrollment/neur1 or call 1-800-BABY-123 for more information and to request a free sample.

This is sponsored by Enfamil® Gentlease Infant Formula.

Hello Martha's Vineyard!

Like all beautiful plans, this one started with a spreadsheet. 

My sister and I populated the cells of a Google Sheet back and forth, adding links, amenities, checkboxes. And soon our parents had booked a last-minute deal for an Airbnb on Martha's Vineyard – in Tisbury, to be exact.

The trip was so last-minute, in fact, that all of us couldn't be there the entire time. My siblings' stays overlapped with the beginning and end of ours, our parents and their dog Chance being the common denominators. (Plans are already in the works for next summer with the goal of having all of us together for the vacation's entirety.) 

Kristie, Miles, and I arrived two days into their stay. Miles's mother and I were feeling...let's say, apprehensive, about our first longer trip with the baby – primarily because we three had worked so hard on the baby's sleep. But from our favorite sleep-training book [affiliate link], Facebook group, and everything we'd read on the internet, we were planning to stick to the prevailing advice for traveling families: throw all sleep rules out the window. Get sleep for your baby and yourselves however that makes sense. 

THAT beautiful rule (or lack thereof, really) was a big part of what made this vacation so lovely and perfect for our little family. Miles slept in bed between Kristie and me, and I nursed him to sleep at night and for naps. It was dreamy. I felt tipsy on the closeness and freedom and sweetness of those moments. We all relaxed. Child wanted to be held while drifting off, though, so it meant Kristie and I didn't eat dinner together at all, but rather took shifts around the table with the rest of my family eating and playing Bananagrams [affiliate link] – I don't want to brag (or maybe I do?) but I won every round.

Another aspect of the trip that inspired tension was the travel it would take to get there. Two and a half hours in the car, 15 minutes in a shuttle bus, 45 minutes on a ferry (baby's first boat ride! and glimpse of the ocean!), five more minutes in a car. I was so proud of our babe. He transitioned, wide-eyed, from car to bus to boat to car with such flexibility and ease (well, aside from hearing the horn of the ferry which scared the bejeezus out of all of us), I thought, why don't we do this all the time? (A thought that was quickly repaired by a drive home colored by high emotions from a certain someone. But let's promise to remember only the trip there.)

The house my parents rented was a five-minute stroll from a small public beach that was rocky, but quiet, safe, and lovely. (PS – that's not the house we stayed in, nor is that our car, sadly.) We drove to visit bigger beaches (South Beach and Lake Tashmoo Town Beach). At each one, Miles carefully selected large pebbles that he then tried, unsuccessfully, to eat – I highly recommend, if you can, traveling with five babysitters, each of whom readily swoops in to pry rocks from pudgy fingers, provides an arm to catch a new sitter who sometimes still slowly tips backwards, or cheerily changes a diaper when two mothers who won't be mentioned have just about had enough.

I thought perhaps the baby would feel cautious or even fearful around the crashing waves, cold sea water, or crowds of people, but my child thrived. We dug a shallow hole in the sand and deposited him there with a small bucket clenched in each hand, and there he merrily sat, sneaking a mouthful or two of sand and crowing happily to his grandparents, aunt, and uncles. At Lake Tashmoo, the waves were gentler, and I planted him where they could lick his toes, thinking he'd soon be complaining about the frigid water. To my surprise (again!), there he sat as the ocean visited and retreated – simply issuing a sharp intake of breath each time it lapped around his legs – wholly content.

We continually dodged a marauding family of wild turkeys that lived in our neighborhood as my dad shuttled us all downtown, or to Oak Bluffs. Kristie and I stole away for an afternoon screening of Jaws (the Capawock Theatre plays it every Friday at 2); our group sampled as many different ice cream shops as we could find; my sister Phoebe and her boyfriend Alec took Miles on the Flying Horses Carousel. 

I'm so proud. And so grateful. And my confidence-in-traveling is up – which is good, because Miles and I are headed to NYC this weekend!

Here's a link to our Airbnb. Use this link to sign up and get $40 travel credit for your first trip (I'll get $20 for our next one). Past trips: Cape Cod (plus a video); Maine.

Lilacland

Miles turned 6 months old on Kristie's and my five-year wedding anniversary. We three hoofed it to Pelham to wander the gardens of Lilacland in celebration.

Have you been? It's a private collection of rare lilacs that's open to the public when in bloom. 

We took pictures and stopped to smell as many flowers as we could. The air was just delicious. I think we'll make an annual visit. 

PS – Our wedding photos

DIY (waterproof!) quilted picnic blanket

Two weeks after Miles was born, I tucked, wrapped, and buckled my new newborn into his carseat and drove 20 minutes back to the hospital where I'd delivered him. It was the first time we'd ever driven anywhere together, just the two of us. In my memory, it was snowing a little. We arrived early to the support group for new mothers. I was so tired, anxious, and distracted by the baby (who stayed sweetly asleep in his carseat the whole time) that I could barely pay attention during the meeting. I left not sure if I would go back for the next one.

To make a long, challenging, and beautiful story shorter, I did go back, again and again. The other mothers I met there helped usher me into new parenthood with grace, humor, and friendship – and I grew to treasure our weekly visits in the hospital's conference room. 

I had to forfeit my attendance once February began and my maternity leave ended. But my mom friends and I text each other, message, leave comments on Facebook. And when daycare is closed and I know I'll be home with Miles on a weekday, I reach out and see who's going to be around. We usually meet up at parks – we have our favorites – and everyone unfurls her own blanket onto grass or wood chips. The blankets overlap a little so our babies can crawl or lean into or be passed from lap to lap, and as more of our friends arrive (tardiness always understood and immediately forgiven) our space grows, a flotilla of connected blankets brimming with sunscreen and stuffed animals and snacks. I'm so grateful for the afternoon hours I can still spend with them and their children.

SO! Last time Miles and I visited with them, one of our stroller blankets (which has a sort of sherpa fleece-y side) was dragged home clogged with wood chips. It was a pain to clean and wash, and I decided to sew a picnic blanket to use for the next visit. It's already proven perfect for use in our dewy backyard because...one side is waterproof! 

And get this – it's because the other side of the picnic blanket is a shower curtain liner.

This is how I made it!

You will need:

• A big piece of fabric, a big piece of batting, and a new shower curtain liner (These three should all be cut to the same size. Our blanket turned out to be roughly 3'x5'.)
• Contrasting thread
• Straight pins
• Sewing machine & basic sewing skills

A few notes before we begin: When you're cutting the shower curtain liner to match the size of the fabric and batting, I recommend discarding the edges that have holes for the curtain rod and/or weights to help the curtain hang. You won't need these.

Also, if you'd like your picnic blanket to be machine washable, choose a machine washable shower curtain liner, and wash and dry it, the fabric, and the batting before you start. (Our blanket has survived so far with just wiping to clean.)

Let's begin!

Lay out the three big pieces like this: fabric right side up; shower curtain; then batting.

Pin and stitch around the blanket, leaving one section (at least a foot) unsewn. See below.

Turn the blanket inside out through the opening you left.

Do what you can to make the corners as pointy as possible. I don't mean to scare you, but my wife Kristie (who was watching) did liken this part to putting a duvet cover onto a comforter!

Turn your attention to the open portion. Fold the raw edges in and pin in place. Add more straight pins as needed to the edge of the blanket, and top-stitch all the way around.

At this point, I used more straight pins and plotted out rough lines along which to sew and quilt the blanket a bit. 

Can you tell in these pictures that the thread is turquoise? I thought about using neon green, but decided to choose from what I had on hand instead of driving back to the store. 

Kristie helped me take these pictures on Mother's Day morning. It had been raining the day before, and I was grateful we could still be outside even though the grass was wet.

Lately, after I get home most afternoons, we head outside. I spread out this blanket and deposit Miles with a few toys while I water the garden (which, by the way, is really floundering, I'm sorry to say). I can't wait to see my mom friends and their babies again, for so many reasons – least of which is to use this blanket, but at least next time we won't bring half the playground home with us!

My favorite breastfeeding shirt is only $15

My favorite breastfeeding shirt is from Target [affiliate link], which should surprise approximately none of you.

It's a basic, soft, lovely short-sleeved tee that's essentially a flap in the front, and one in the back. I wear it over a nursing tank. The front flap can be lifted from one side to the other as needed and tossed over one's shoulder or used as a breastfeeding cover if desired while nursing.

It's marketed as a "sleeping shirt," but I caution against wearing it to bed – I got tangled up while tossing and turning. 

$15 for the tee; $18 for long sleeves [affiliate link]. I ordered a size smaller in each since they're designed for bed, and got a perfect fit. 

(One last word: if you use SnuggleMe swaddles, be aware that the velcro will snag this soft cotton and cause pulls the first time you wear it, which along with hormones may cause you to cry about how you can't have anything nice anymore.)

How to sew a soft tag toy for baby

Our son Miles is having a moment with tags, so I decided to sew a soft tag toy for him to play with. I used scrap fabric and leftover ribbon (plus a very crinkly piece of plastic that came with one package delivery or other), and sort of just winged it – didn't measure a thing! 

Here're the basics, though, if you want to make one too.

You will need:

• Two pieces of fabric (can match or not; I chose two different ones) and one piece of batting, all cut to the same size
• Pieces of ribbon cut to about 4" (or longer or shorter, depending on the length you want the "tags" to be)
• Straight pins
• Contrasting thread
• Sewing machine
• Crinkly plastic (optional – I salvaged ours from an Amazon box but they do sell it online [affiliate link])

Wash and dry your fabric and batting.

Layer it like this: fabric square #1 right side facing up; fabric square #2 right side facing down; batting.

Fold a ribbon piece in half and tuck it in between the two fabric squares. Pin in place. Repeat to add the rest of your ribbon. (You won't be able to see any of the ribbon yet.) Pin around the rest of the square, leaving a 2-3" opening.

Stitch around the square (except for the opening).

Use the opening to turn the square inside out. Tuck the crinkly plastic in, if you're using it.

Turn the raw edges of the opening in, and pin in place. Top-stitch around the whole square.

(There's a video tutorial on Facebook if you'd rather check that out, plus you get to see even more of Miles's chubby hands!)

I love finding projects I don't need to buy a thing for (we got lucky with that plastic!). All told this took about 45 minutes to make and was a fun little task to work on. The baby is already enjoying it! I think I'd like to try making one or two more, maybe with a tactilely interesting fabric like velvet.

PS – How to turn any object into a stuffed toy!

Mornings

Miles squawks awake at 5:55. He's supposed to wake at 7, but the number of times that has happened can be counted on one hand. Kristie and I toss and turn while listening to the baby toss and turn, hoping he'll settle back down for 20 more minutes. We don't last more than 10; one of us wanders sleepily into the nursery to scoop him up, full of praise. You slept in your crib, and for such a long time! We knew you could do it. We are so proud of you.

I stumble down the stairs (more carefully, when I'm toting him), turning on lights, opening window shades, and greeting everything out loud for his benefit. Good morning, living room. Good morning, Samson. Good morning, outside. I arrange all the necessary pillows, and the baby and I assume our favorite breastfeeding position on the couch (it's such a favorite, in fact, we're starting to wear a groove in the sofa cushion, oops). I instruct Alexa to stream New England Public Radio as we settle in and Miles's hungry whining tapers off. I time our breastfeeding sessions – still; maybe always – on an app, and listen hopefully to the morning news for any mention of the word "impeachment." (Maybe tomorrow.)

Kristie eats cereal in the kitchen. She used to eat breakfast perched on the couch next to us, but the baby is so enamored with her, he forgets to nurse whenever she's in his eyeline, preferring instead to smile and blink heavily in her direction, asking for play. So she's been banished.

When Miles is finished nursing, Kristie frees him from his sleepsack and changes his diaper, chooses his clothes, wipes the sleep from the corners of his eyes (we discuss his ever-clogged tear ducts in low tones) as he calls out to her in shrieks and gurgles. He's so happy to be awake. Samson watches us all from a pile of blankets on his bed. I take my turn eating breakfast, and start the coffee maker if I remember early enough. 

Three out of five weekday mornings, we get ready for daycare. Kristie and I spar gently over who gets to record his morning in the red notebook that travels back and forth with him. This many minutes spent nursing; the time his diaper was changed; how many times he woke up in the night (today: one). I make a note about his newfound joy in squealing, shouting, talking.

Kristie and the baby read books out loud (I hear her add extra "pleases" to one about a construction site), or play with his stuffed fox (a girl, we've decided, creatively named "Foxy"), or swap the news for Dolly Parton and dance around the house. I dress, add product to my hair, remember I made coffee, put on makeup, pack a lunch, add stored bags of breastmilk and an ice pack to his daycare bag, toss clean breast pump parts into my purse, remember the coffee again. By the time I've brought our things out to the car and started the engine to help get everything warmed up, Miles is ready for his first nap. We settle him in to the car seat, adding blankets and toys and maybe a pair of sunglasses. Kristie and I kiss each other goodbye (almost always a shock passing from one of us to the other – her fleece bathrobe is the culprit, don't let her tell you different). 

I turn on music in the car, shuffling between local top hits stations. Miles is asleep before we reach the bridge. I remember the coffee; still warm. I love watching the baby from the rearview mirror, his eyelids drifting closed, one hand clamped on a chest strap. It looks like he's pretending to sleep, his face is so perfect. We drive over the gray river and past foggy fields. I forget about the construction until it's almost too late, but the car is trapped in traffic for only a few minutes. 

After dropping him off (hello to his little friends, to our bigger ones who run the daycare, thank you, yes his ear infection is feeling much better, we're so glad, thank you, I hope he keeps sleeping, thank you), I'm alone in the car. Alone for the first and probably only time today. I trade the music for a podcast – true crime – and pick my way back through the fog. I take the highway and get to work in 20 minutes. It's still early, which means a decent parking spot. I unlock and wake up my office (good morning desk, good morning space heater, good morning computer), and remember the coffee again.