Originally posted on Instagram
How to support someone who’s getting an abortion:
- Don’t assume anything. Don’t assume they’ve told their partner or family members or friends. Don’t assume you understand their birth control choices. Don't assume this was an easy decision for them to make.
- Find out what they can expect from the clinic, the appointment, the day (Planned Parenthood has good general resources on this) and gently prepare them. Suggest that they call the clinic for a breakdown of the appointment beforehand too if they feel that would be helpful.
- Support them in making a list of questions for the provider. Prepare to ask them yourself if they want you to advocate on their behalf. Every patient deserves an answer to every question.
- Ask how they’d prefer you deal with any protesters who might be outside the clinic. (Do they want you to answer if someone yells? Do they want you to help them avoid conflict?)
- Offer a ride to the clinic and a ride home afterwards. Ask what they want to listen to in the car (what kind of music/the news/nothing).
- Ask if they'd like you to hold their hand while you walk in together.
- Offer to go into the exam room with them and be present for the procedure in whatever way they need (hand-holding? playing funny videos on YouTube? distracting them with conversation about "Game of Thrones"?).
- Make sure they are as comfortable as possible when you bring them home. Settle them in bed or on the couch with blankets and a heating pad, and then go out and get their favorite foods for when they feel ready to eat. Make sure there are menstrual pads in the bathroom. Put things like water and Advil and the TV remote nearby.
- If they want you to stay and you are able, stay. If they want you to leave, leave and tell them they can text you if they need anything or just to talk. When they text, text back.
- Check in a few days later via text, and simply listen. Drop off a bag of little self-care things like chocolate, a candle, or a single-use face mask – things that will help them focus on themselves with acts of care, comfort, and love.
- If you need to tell someone else what you’re doing, don't tell anyone who it is you're helping. Even if if they don’t tell you explicitly not to tell anyone, don’t tell anyone.
Do any or all of these things. Most importantly, keep checking in and asking what they need. (And remember it’s okay if that changes from one minute to the next.) Offer them love and support and acceptance and try your best to create peace.
