This post has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #StrengthHasNoGender #CollectiveBias
I'm really excited to share Brawny's Strength Has No Gender™ campaign with you, which highlights the inspirational stories of everyday women in cities across America who have been breaking down barriers in traditionally male-dominated industries and empowering others. Seriously, go check it out. It's not every day big companies take a stand, and it's cool to see a lady person on that classic Brawny packaging! The limited-edition Strength Has No Gender™ pack is exclusive to WalMart.
I want to share some of the backstory behind my career and my relationship with work – including how I almost messed it all up because of assumptions I made about my own gender identity.
Let me start by telling you: I actively love work. I have a good job I'm great at, and I love that feeling. I've worked really hard for this – a job that's more challenging than it ever is boring (but just the right amount of challenging). Coworkers I truly like. Work that sparks my creativity and pushes me just a tiiiiny bit outside my boundaries every day and makes me feel like I'm actually helping people.
I've worked hard for a job I don't mind working late for.
Self-care is so critically important. A good balance between work and true time off is essential (if not hard to strike sometimes), and it's part of what helps me feel so engaged at work. But what I was reminded of when reading Kaling's book is that it's okay to take pride, and joy, and glee in work, too.
After I graduated, I started my career as a reporter in Boston, and then an associate editor at the same paper. I liked the work, and began to imagine continuing my writing career on a part-time or freelance basis from home once my wife Kristie and I had kids. I soon had the opportunity to try it out for real and work from home while living in western Mass., so I set up my home office and got to work.
I realized pretty soon that being at home wasn't the right fit for me. When I was working from home, I never put real shoes on. Sometimes I didn't go outside all day. The TV was on in the background way too often. And I never got to "go home." It was too easy to just go right back to work after dinner.
So I got a new job managing the social media and website for a prep school, 40 minutes away from our house, but with a real office and real people I got to talk to every day. That's the job that led to the one I have now (which is much closer, btw).
OKAY SO LISTEN. During all this time, and still, I was/have been/am trying to figure out what satisfies my heart, career-wise. What the work is that I need to be doing in the world and in my family, that keeps me up at night because of sheer want. And I'm getting closer to it all the time, but the bottom line is that I realized I like to be out of my house, contributing, feeling like I'm making a difference in society in a larger way. I get value and worth out of going to work and doing my best every day.
(Of course, I'm not saying there's no value or worth in staying home with kids. But I've learned that that's not what is going to work for my personality. I'm excited to support and contribute to my family in a different way.)
My point is, women should feel empowered to do whatever it is that makes us feel that good.
I eventually had this moment where I kind of had to reset my expectations of myself, my wife, and my future family when I realized that I was going to be our breadwinner (and that that was a good thing).
Let's talk gender presentation real quick. I originally saw myself in the more traditionally stereotyped feminine role partly because I present as the more outwardly feminine person in my relationship. I use makeup and style my hair longer and wear dresses. We've always planned that when it's time, I'll be the one to carry our children. Because of all those things, I put myself in a box and assumed that's the role I'd end up fulfilling, which was obviously short-sighted.
I think one of my favorite things about being in a same-sex marriage is that we don't experience the pressure of traditional gender stereotypes in the same way that other couples might. Kristie and I have split our household duties based on preference, rather than preconceived expectation. I do the laundry because I like how warm the clothes are right out of the dryer; she does the dishes because it reminds her of her parents' house. We both clean up the inevitable messes from cooking and crafting and owning a dog, so we both appreciate that Brawny® Pick-a-Size 8 Giant Plus paper towels offer more sheets on every roll (vs. leading national brand comparable roll and sheet size) and help us clean up whatever life throws down (or up, depending on the dog situation).
(I swear, it is completely accidental that I'm wearing the exact same flannel the woman on the package is.)
I feel like I'm getting closer to knowing what it is I need to be doing. Maybe that's part of being almost-30. And right now it feels like work, and travel, and love. Those are the things that make me feel alive and engaged and truly happy – and in no particular order, by the way. Actually, in no order at all. I want to work hard at whatever makes me feel engaged and creative while traveling my heart out, and I want to do it all fueled by love.
I've decided to keep chasing this feeling. Here's to the work that makes us feel good and tired and accomplished and happy and challenged, wherever it takes place and whatever it entails.
