The Homesteady

Kids' Pride

Happy Pride Month!

Northampton celebrates early, our march held the first weekend of May so that the many college students who attend school in the valley are still here and can participate. Kristie and Miles and I marched with a group of students and staff from the community college where I work. It was Miles's first Pride (we were all out of town for a wedding last year), and I think he really liked it. Kristie gave him a small rainbow flag to hold while we were marching down Main Street, and he waved it furiously at the cheering bystanders. 

Personally, I've never made it through a Pride parade without crying, and this year was no different -- especially because we were experiencing it as a family for the first time. Northampton is a very special place. To borrow from a post I wrote a few years ago: "I cry because I'm happy, and safe, and part of such an amazing community."

So while our local Pride has come and gone, June is still Pride Month around the world. Here are a few projects and products to help you celebrate Pride with your kids.

Cool Like My Moms tee [affiliate link] / Rainbow: A First Book of Pride [affiliate link]
Tie-Dye Rainbow Shoes / Rainbow Cookies
Rainbow cardigan (free knitting pattern) / Rainbow sweatshirt [affiliate link]
Dope Like My Dads tee [affiliate link] / Rainbow waffles

Also check out 6 Pride DIYs, plus a Polaroid Kristie and I at our first Pride together way back in 2007. 

*Images in this post belong to the websites with which they are associated.

Here & there

A sweet Mothers' Day snap of my wife and son

Summer is here! Well, warm weather is here. The sun is here. All of us are glad for it.

A few notes:

• Kristie and I drove to Maine and videoed our first wedding of the season last weekend
• Cows have replaced birds as Miles's favorite animal, and we've been making frequent visits to Flayvors to visit their cows
• I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist this afternoon to further investigate gluten-related issues
• Our craft room has been taken over by Kristie's work and Miles's toys, so I'm carving out an ill-advised space in our basement for a little sewing room (see all the moldy, haunted, creepy details in my Instagram stories)

 

Links for your Friday

"Plenty of women would rather protect their relative privilege than fight for redistribution."

On raising boys with a broader definition of "masculinity"

10 places to find inspiration (that aren't Pinterest)

Take a look at the Shirley Chisholm monument coming to Brooklyn

Briam Baumgartner (who played Kevin on "The Office") on that chili scene

How to car camp with kids

A trick to make the weekend seem longer

Lots of our friends are welcoming new babies, so these have been on heavy rotation in our kitchen (both for them and for us, even though no one is breastfeeding in our house anymore!)

I've also been meal-prepping a bit, and would like to try readying some broccoli breakfast sandwiches

Many mainstream brands (including H&M) are scaling back their use of cashmere due to environmental and animal rights concerns

In an instance of iterative evolution, a once-extinct bird is with us again

The Downton Abbey movie trailer (I have goosebumps!)

Added to my travel bucket list: a ranunculus superbloom

A family-themed quiet book

We are lucky and not. My parents and siblings live close enough that Miles gets to see them regularly (and we have access to eager babysitters). Kristie's mom, sister, and our nephew, though, live in Virginia. They visit as often as they can and we're planning a trip to see them in August, but in the meantime, I wanted him to have a way to connect with them regularly (outside of Facetime).

Have you ever looked up "quiet book ideas" on Pinterest? There are thousands. Quiet books are wonderful things, I've come to learn. They're full of little age-appropriate activities –– although whether the books are so named because these activities are quiet or are designed to keep toddlers themselves quiet, I'm not sure. Both work. And the internet abounds with DIY tutorials for creating new pages which can be sewn or hot-glued into existence.

I decided to wed the "quiet book" concept with photos of Miles's (our) Virginia family members: Kristie's mom, her dad (who passed away suddenly in early 2017, around the same time I finally got pregnant), her sister Raven, our nephew Jacob, and Kristie's grandma and step-grandpa. I thought the little activities and games would keep him engaged while also looking at their photos and practicing their names. 

Happily, it's working. He refers to it determinedly as "MY book," and is regularly occupied by turning the pages, pushing beads from one side to another, and making Pawpaw's cars drive around the road. He spends a lot of time on Jacob's page as well, carefully moving legos from their plastic pouch to the waiting velcro squares. ("Jekkop," he says confidently.)

Have a look at the video above if you can. The photos in this post were hastily snapped near a window in the kitchen, and the light puts a glare on some of the printed images, making them look too light. (They're not.)

A few tips and sources, if you'd like to make one too:

• I made a secret Pinterest board to collect the favorite ideas I'd come across, and then plotted out the content of each page beforehand in Google Slides
• Much of the felt came from our local Buy Nothing group on Facebook (including the car page, already assembled) and from Etsy [affiliate link]
• I printed the family photos onto iron-on transfer paper [affiliate link], then ironed them onto scrap white cotton. Beware, if it matters because of text legibility, this process will flip the photo! (See backwards text in Mawmaw and Don's wedding photo. Oh well.)
• I designed the front cover (and Jacob's name) in Photoshop, then flipped it, printed it, traced it onto this paper [affiliate link], ironed to transfer it onto the felt, then stitched over it with embroidery thread
• The rest of the odds and ends I already had, or purchased in a $20 Michaels trip made the morning I put it all together

How to support someone who's getting an abortion

Originally posted on Instagram

How to support someone who’s getting an abortion:

1. Don’t assume anything. Don’t assume they’ve told their partner or family members or friends. Don’t assume you understand their birth control choices. Don't assume this was an easy decision for them to make.
2. Find out what they can expect from the clinic, the appointment, the day (Planned Parenthood has good general resources on this) and gently prepare them. Suggest that they call the clinic for a breakdown of the appointment beforehand too if they feel that would be helpful.
3. Support them in making a list of questions for the provider. Prepare to ask them yourself if they want you to advocate on their behalf. Every patient deserves an answer to every question.
4. Ask how they’d prefer you deal with any protesters who might be outside the clinic. (Do they want you to answer if someone yells? Do they want you to help them avoid conflict?)
5. Offer a ride to the clinic and a ride home afterwards. Ask what they want to listen to in the car (what kind of music/the news/nothing).
6. Ask if they'd like you to hold their hand while you walk in together.
7. Offer to go into the exam room with them and be present for the procedure in whatever way they need (hand-holding? playing funny videos on YouTube? distracting them with conversation about "Game of Thrones"?).
8. Make sure they are as comfortable as possible when you bring them home. Settle them in bed or on the couch with blankets and a heating pad, and then go out and get their favorite foods for when they feel ready to eat. Make sure there are menstrual pads in the bathroom. Put things like water and Advil and the TV remote nearby.
9. If they want you to stay and you are able, stay. If they want you to leave, leave and tell them they can text you if they need anything or just to talk. When they text, text back.
10. Check in a few days later via text, and simply listen. Drop off a bag of little self-care things like chocolate, a candle, or a single-use face mask – things that will help them focus on themselves with acts of care, comfort, and love.
11. If you need to tell someone else what you’re doing, don't tell anyone who it is you're helping. Even if if they don’t tell you explicitly not to tell anyone, don’t tell anyone.

Do any or all of these things. Most importantly, keep checking in and asking what they need. (And remember it’s okay if that changes from one minute to the next.) Offer them love and support and acceptance and try your best to create peace.

The allure of the "soft apocalypse"

There's this Tumblr post, written in 2016, that's been reblogged almost 200,000 times. It's about a new genre concept called "soft apocalypse" and it sounds...really nice, actually.

(I won't do a good job of re-explaining it here so I won't try; it's perfect the way it's written. Please go read it.)

Why is this so lovely?

I sent the link to my friend Katy, and we texted back and forth about it for a little bit. Here's what I wrote to her, piecemeal, while at the gym.

The soft apocalypse. A world where everyone values the things that we value.

It feels like holding a bird in your hands. I'm loving right now thinking about why this is so attractive, hypnotizing.

1) Base equity. Everyone is facing the same challenges, working within the same constraints. No one is better off than anyone else.

2) Creativity, hard work, and passed-down knowledge are valued.

3) Handiwork is critical for survival = more time/effort spent in pursuit of these crafts, which are especially satisfying since they produce a useful physical product = more happiness and satisfaction in work.

4) Reliance on community becomes paramount. That which we can't do, our neighbor can. We survive because of each other. Acknowledgement and value of this symbiosis feeds community building, respect, and kindness.

5) Increased pride in one's own abilities, since we are able to witness directly how they fuel our community's survival/success.

6) More unity with nature. Interruptions in electricity/water delivery/automobiles force community-based, nature-informed responses to basic needs. Adverse nature events require collaboration, and therefore reinforce equity balance and community reliance.

Something's missing though...maybe it's 2 and 4 combined. Community reliance and value of passed-down knowledge engender the valuation and care of those who are not able to contribute directly.

That's 7.

And 8) Bounty. Forced to creatively reassess the utility of the things we have or can produce ourselves (since nothing can be ordered from a faraway factory anymore), we find that we as a people have or can make anything we need.

Back to 7, love matters because community matters. Then one day, love just matters.

9) Time/energy spent on creating the physical. We believe that love survives after our deaths; but we KNOW that at least some of the physical things we create do. Our lives, our work reassure us that someTHING will be left — and that we will value the women left whose only purpose is to add our names and our work to their poems.

= we never die.

(I can be a prolific texter.)

Katy pointed out rightly, beautifully, "It's really the pieces that are missing/devalued with capitalism."

I'm left with self-assigned homework: Keep this idea warm. Help it grow by rereading The Feminist Utopia Project. Try to amplify the whispers of these values in my daily life. Imagine honestly the other side of the coin: what would be lost in this hypothetical version of society (vaccines? accessibility?). Watch warily as news of our planet grows bleaker (NYT). Remember to compost. 

If this subgenre resonates, you might like reading Station Eleven [affiliate link].

Do you like to be surprised?

Four years ago, my brother and sister and I sneakily planned a surprise anniversary party for our parents to celebrate their 30th year of marriage. We roped my aunt into taking them out for dinner, and while they were gone we got the party ready. We set up a popcorn bar and decorated their backyard, and my parents' friends and extended family arrived – some even drove six hours to be there!

Long story short, we partied the night away and everyone had a really good time. It was so worth the secret-keeping. My parents loved it too – even though afterward my mom made me promise never to throw them a surprise party again! And I don't blame her. Surprises aren't my favorite either – I much prefer being in the know about what's going on.

I can't wait to figure out if Miles is a pro-surprise person or not – whether we could spring one of those Disney surprises on him when he's older, where we tell him where we're going in the car on the way to the airport, or he'd prefer to plan the whole trip with us. (Either way, I'm happy.)

I'm curious: Do you like to be surprised?

Here & there

A few weeks ago we had a spring solstice egg hunt in the backyard with our dear friends Katy and Allan and their two little girls. Miles took his cues from the ladies, watching them rush around our rainy backyard, reaching for the bright plastic eggs. He wandered cautiously away from the porch, selected two eggs to put into his pink basket, and considered himself done. 

The next day Katy asked me how I was liking being a mother, 17 months in. We were sitting in the backyard while Miles napped inside, having moved our chairs into the sun and stretched the invisible connection between baby monitor and camera as far as it would go. "It's good," I said, describing how it had taken this many months to recognize myself in this role; the relief of seeing my "old" self again. Of finally feeling natural calling myself a mom. "There are some days I still feel like a babysitter," I said. "Like, when are the real grownups getting home?" I thought more about my answer later, and felt like I'd left some things out. Like the heart-aching bliss that pierces through our most difficult days (and nights). The ever-shifting struggles of toddler-hood are very real, and my life is very, very good. There are more challenges now, and there is more gratitude now. 

(In keeping with everyone's food restrictions, the gluten-free, dairy-free, no-bake recipe for these chocolate nest cookies. The M&M eggs do contain dairy, though, so we filled a few with jelly beans.)

 

Links for your Friday

There's a new menstruation emoji

Why it took us so long to believe Lorena Bobbitt

On decriminalizing black hair

There is probably a drag queen to thank for your favorite makeup tips

8 things you might not know your library card can do

Starting a feminist club at an all-boys Catholic school

I'm adding Like A Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science & Culture of Pregnancy to my reading list [affiliate link]

Praise Satan, there are new episodes of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina on Netflix!

How to raise a child without imposing gender (NYT)

Archaeologists found a trove of Maya artifacts dating back 1,000 years (and did a six-hour purification ritual with a Maya priest prior to entering the cave system)

New Mexico has become the newest state to replace Columbus Day with Indigenous People's Day

More news about the "Downton Abbey" movie thank god

5 reasons all children should learn how to sew

A woman found a braid of Charlotte Brontë's hair inside a ring

What do we do now that will be considered unthinkable in 50 years?

A salt dough bunny garland

"Where is our Easter box?" I called to Kristie from the basement, facing the shelves where our holiday decorations rest divided into separate cardboard boxes.

"We don't have one," she answered from the kitchen (leaning, I imagine, a little more closely to the open basement door).

We don't have one? I wondered. 

It was true. No springtime decorations were waiting for us at the foot of the basement stairs. We had a wreath, once, but it didn't fare well in our terrible storage system.

So: A garland. A cookie cutter. Dough made from the pantry.

I followed a salt dough recipe I found on Pinterest, and used a rabbit-shaped cookie cutter from a different cardboard box in the basement. I pierced each cut-out twice (a meat thermometer worked well – sorry, buns) and left them out overnight to dry before baking them at a low temp for awhile the next day.

I dipped the end of string into candle wax to help strengthen its point before threading the bunnies on one by one.

I love them. These seven, plus a few vintage finds, are making it a little springier around here.

Currently

Reading: Unsheltered by Barbara Kingsolver [affiliate link]. I quite like it. Not so much the trick she's doing with the last sentence of a chapter also being the title of the next chapter, but rather because I love her writing. It's so rich. I re-read The Poisonwood Bible [affiliate link] every few years. 

Listening to: My regular favorite podcasts have felt, suddenly, far too violent and upsetting to listen to. My therapist said it's because my mind is preoccupied with Miles, who is in such a vulnerable stage of his life, and that my aversion to topics I once couldn't get enough of is probably only temporary. So true crime is off the table, at least for the next little while. Instead I'm listening to This American Life and Radiolab in the car, and '80s pop on Pandora at work.

Making: The entirety of my creative energy is being taken up now by one big, challenging, lovely knitting project. I'm one-third finished, and I'll share it here soon but I can't now because it's a gift for a dear friend and I want it to remain a surprise.

Watching: All the "Schitt's Creek" we can get our hands on. The original "Charmed." Godzilla (1998), which you are probably not surprised to learn really does not hold up well. The new season of "Queer Eye," of course, but only one episode every few days to make it last longer. 

Planning: To sit on some couches at Ikea this weekend. I'm fancying this one and this one (although I'm feeling a bit skeptical about only one armrest!). Other than that, to be outside as much as we can bear! Happily, the picture above is a few weeks old, and the backyard is no longer covered in snow. We've made it a habit to turn Miles out for a quick postprandial frolic in the yard before bedtime each night, giving him space to craft his own uninterrupted outdoors play. I try to stay out of it while he selects a stick to clutch while marching around, to see how far he can get up the steps of his slide without my help (which, obviously, he gets in spades when wanted). "He's figuring it out," Kristie whispers to me and we watch our child negotiate his way through wildhood. We fold our arms and speculate on which new little behaviors are borrowed from his peers at daycare, and he calls to the neighbor's dog, leashed in the next yard. The fresh air is doing us all good. 

Solange's new album

Solange released a new album today called When I Get Home. Everyone in my office today is streaming it on Spotify, and I'm listening too and thinking back to the night Miles was born. My sister played A Seat at the Table for me in the delivery room on a little speaker, and it made me feel safe and strong and calm while I pushed our son into the world. (And I'm glad a creative, powerful black female artist was the first music he heard.) Listening to that album and now her new music smoothes some of the sharper edges of my memories of childbirth. It's an emotional balm.

Now that she has a new album out, I said to Kristie, "Looks like we need to have another baby!"

"Hmm," she replied, "let's wait for the next album."

If you're a parent, did you have a birthing playlist? What's on it, or what do you imagine you'd listen to?