The Homesteady

"Don't Tell Me to Smile" cross stitch pattern

There's a new cross stitch pattern up in my Etsy shop! Download it here, and check out other patterns here. [Affiliate links]

Our comfy, toddler-friendly living room

Our living room has gone through a few phases (proof: 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016). It's still very much the hub of our home – maybe even more so now that Miles is mobile!

Around the same time I went back to work in February, we updated what we could to bring the living room with us back into the real world. After two months of hibernative maternity leave, function had definitely taken precedent over form. I wanted to wait until we'd taken the air conditioner out to show you, but this is what our living room now looks like in real life. It's not styled in these pictures, but it is clean (ready for a visit from Kristie's sister Raven!).

The first thing Kristie and I did was get rid of the coffee table. Its absence created a beautifully open space to play and rough-house. Instead, she picked out an ottoman and I crafted a footstool, which are used as intended and as an exciting obstacle for a one-year-old who's trying to learn how to climb. 

We also finally (!) agreed on a new rug! Durable, but still comfy enough to learn to crawl on. I'll link to everything at the bottom of the post if you're curious.


We bought two nightstands that Kristie painted and I added new hardware to to serve as end tables. This is the one on "my" side of the couch – inside that child safety-locked drawer are my current cross stitch and knitting projects.

We rotate out the books that are on the shelf, swapping them with what's in his room or in storage. Now that Miles is pulling himself up with ease, all those books are happily fair game. (The pile on top is all library books. I'm too afraid keeping them elsewhere will irrevocably integrate them into our collection, and the baby will grow up with late fees hanging over his head.) 

Underneath the couch are two plastic baskets full of toys, as well as a few sets of blocks. It's easy for Miles to pull the baskets out and choose a toy, and easy for me to toss everything into the baskets and nudge them back under the couch after bedtime.


The credenza has transitioned well to being an ad hoc changing table. The bins underneath hold, from left to right: toys, day diapers, night diapers. The record player will, someday, come out again.




We used to have two yellow chairs flanking the credenza, but one was relocated to Miles's room to make room for first our Christmas tree, and then for a bassinet when he was napping downstairs. Now that corner is one of two dog beds we have downstairs for Samson (you can see the other peeking out from the kitchen). It was important to Kristie and me that the dog feel he have a "safe" space, no matter what room the family was in. Miles is not allowed on the dog bed – don't let him tell you otherwise. 

I love this activity center. I had my heart set on it, but the brand-new price was a little too expensive. I set a notification on Facebook to be alerted when someone listed it for sale in the Marketplace, and cajoled my dad into picking it up for us once one was listed near my hometown in Connecticut. It has served us very well, and I'm happy it's a transitional item that can grow with a baby (it's set up now in stage 2). 



I cried when my sister gave me this canvas print from our pregnancy announcement photo shoot. How could it be that the little outline in that ultrasound is now such a lovely, funny, opinionated, beloved kiddo??

While Miles doesn't favor stuffed animals, Samson does, so Foxy and Blue Dolly (who was my sister's when she was little!) live on the bookshelf. The rest occupy a fabric basket in the nursery.

One thing I also felt very passionately about was switching the knobs on the built-in cabinets. I think it made a big impact. 


We have these swing gates up on both entrances to the kitchen (on either side of the built-in) and at the bottom of the stairs. They are 1,000x better than any baby gate I've ever experienced. 

SOURCES

Couch: Urban Outfitters via Craigslist (sold out)
Rug: Target (on sale)
Baby gates: Amazon [affiliate link]
Credenza: Vintage
Black and white footstool: DIY
Round ottoman: Wayfair
Cord covers: Amazon [affiliate link]
Child safety locks: Amazon [affiliate link]
Yellow chair: IKEA (similar)
Activity center: Skip Hop [affiliate link]
Letter board: Oh Happy Day
Fox: Hazel Village
Clock: IKEA
Yellow and gray pillows: IKEA
Black and white pillow: Target (old)
Cedar chest: Craigslist
Plastic storage bins: Target
Changing table basket: Target
Changing pad: Amazon [affiliate link]
Changing pad cover: Burt's Bees [affiliate link]
End tables: IKEA
End table knobs: Home Depot
House tissue box cover: Amazon [affiliate link]
Curtains: IKEA
Curtain rods: IKEA
Floor lamp: IKEA
Picasso dog print: Amazon [affiliate link]

Spooky Halloween morning in the mist

Miles and I drive through a patchwork of fields on our way to daycare every morning. On Halloween, I happened to have my camera with me and pulled over on my way from daycare to work. We're so lucky to live where we do. It's beautiful here. 

DIY embroidered long-sleeve tee

I took the first two weeks of October – my first two weeks of being 31 – off from Facebook. I didn't listen to NPR, either. The news was just too triggering. (I had mentioned to Kristie a few weeks ago that Kavanaugh's confirmation would be the clearest way this country had to tell women that we don't matter. It was sobering and sad and scary when that actually happened.) 

I struggled with my absence, too – my choice to be willfully ignorant, whether in the name of protecting my mental wellness or not, was an exercise in privilege. I can stop paying attention to the news without too much hindrance. I'm lucky. For many others, what's going on in our country permeates every aspect of their lives. Whether or not they want to, they can't escape it. 


I knew it was time to slowly come back when, during a meeting at work, I realized I didn't know anything about Megyn Kelly's recent blackface comments. I'm doing my best now to be as mindful as I can – I want to stay informed while safeguarding my mental health. Little things have helped, like only checking Facebook when I have a notification, or checking in with NPR before intentionally switching to Pandora in the mornings. Kristie and I are also doing our best to prepare for the midterm election in a few days, going back and forth together about local candidates and questions.

I stitched this shirt towards the end of October, when I was easing back into the news. It's exactly how I feel – I'm a tired feminist. (I'm not sure it's the most empowering label, but it is honest.)

Being tired doesn't make me stop coming to work. I'm tired, but I keep doing laundry. I'm tired, but I get up in the morning with the baby. I'm tired, but I say yes to new challenges in the office. Kristie and I are tired, but we still go on adventures with the baby and walk the dog and cook with real recipes and try our best to make time for friends.

Being tired is not going to make me quit being a feminist, or to stop fighting for what I believe is right. I'm a tired feminist. That's an acknowledgment of the struggle so many people are facing under the current administration – including those who don't have the privilege to take a break – and a promise: We're not going to stop.


Want to make one too? Print out this template, trace it onto this paper with this pencil [affiliate link], iron it onto your shirt, and stitch.

I had Kristie take these pictures of me while we all got ready this morning – brushing teeth, making coffee, hanging in our room before getting dressed. I think gone for awhile are the days of carefully styled shoots :) 

PS – Stencil a Smashing the Patriarchy is My Cardio t-shirt, and stitch a Females Are Strong As Hell tote bag.

A rallying cry for my fellow mamas of white boys

I know I can't be alone in daydreaming about a utopia where "boy"-ness and "girl"-ness isn't binary; where children feel true freedom to like exactly what it is that they like. For the time being, with society the way it is right now, this is my letter to you, fellow mamas of white boys.

 

“How pretty! Oh... I mean handsome!”

Miles was perched on my hip and we were rocking slowly back and forth in the waiting room at his pediatrician’s office, there for his nine-month checkup. The doctor was running late, and Miles was starting to fuss after 40 minutes of charming his fellow waiting patients.

“It’s okay!” I quickly smiled, correcting the kind older woman who’d peered over to coo at him. “Boys can be pretty, too!”

She looked at me, a little concerned. Was I admonishing her? I tried to smile a little bigger, but she turned away.

Socially awkward situations aside, I'm here to tell you that it's more important than ever for mamas of white boys to intentionally cultivate softness in our sons. It's okay that they be pretty, or gentle, or kind, or emotional. We should all want it that way. It's the simplest way to counteract the insidious messages our patriarchal society is sending to them – that running "like a girl," crying when hurt or upset, or enjoying something just because it's beautiful makes them lesser because these choices have been traditionally labelled "feminine." Through our support and celebration of these traits, they will begin to learn that these are not bad things to be – that a girl or a woman is not a bad thing to be, that girls and women are not lesser than them. 

We must let them own this softness, too. It must be part of their "boy"-hood. Our sons need to know and believe that wanting to play with a Barbie or crying when frustrated or picking a tutu for dress-up is part of being a boy. It's not simply that it's feminine that we celebrate their choice to paint their toenails, but rather, or in addition, because it's theirs. An expression of their taste or style or favorite color, just as normal and natural to "boy"-ness as they may understand an interest in toy cars to be. 

These messages have been seeded into our brains too, buried down deep along with all the other garbage we've endured or experienced coming up as women. Giving intention to anything means also giving some of your energy to it. It's taken work and therapy on my part to dismantle, or at least critically examine, the biases that I'm bringing to the table. And as a parent I have to check myself daily – when I'm shopping at Target I go on purpose to the girls' clothing sale racks first. I suggest to Miles's grandparents that they select pink or purple toys when they buy gifts for him. He wears lots of hand-me-down clothing, and as it comes in waves from the growing 2-year-old boy who lives across the street, we sort through and intentionally donate what feels a little too heavy-handed when it comes to dump trucks or superheroes or even the color blue. (Yes, he does wear clothing with tools on it – his last name is Hammer, so that's pretty inevitable – but he also wears rainbow rompers, pj's with pink stripes, and the gosh-darn sweetest bonnets you've ever seen.)

Have you noticed that I'm talking specifically about white boys? That's intentional, too; it's privileged folk who most need to adjust our behavior, biases, and expectations of ourselves and others. As mothers of white sons, we have the opportunity to affect that real change for all of the children in their generation. Black mamas are busy teaching their sons how to stay alive in a deeply broken country where young black men are exponentially more likely to be killed during an interaction with police – not to mention the countless other prejudices men and people of color face and have faced since America's very first days.

So is this the responsibility of mothers alone? No. Everyone has work to do. But it should come built into the #boymom brand. You know – the pride we as "boy moms" take in our ability to correctly identify obscure construction equipment; to discern quickly whether a rough-house injury requires a trip to the ER or not; to toss a good tee-ball pitch. (Although since Miles was born I have, and this is true, gotten much better at playing catch.) So too must we bake this important work in to our mothering. We are the shapers of white men. The responsibility to raise kind, good, fair boys rests, at least partially, on our shoulders. 

Are you a boy mama? Is this something you think about? I'd love to hear what kind of intentional adjustments you've made in raising your sons, or any good articles, books, or resources that have resonated with you.

You might like:

• The Feminist Utopia Project [affiliate link] + my review
• 5 ways to teach kids about consent
• American Girl's first boy doll
• 23 ways you might experience internalized misogyny
• Men report the "feminine" things they would do if stereotypes didn't exist (<-- this made me cry)
• Misogyny has been proven harmful to men's health
• Motherhood as a feminist act
• No means no when boys say it too
• 5 ways to teach children how to handle romantic rejection
• How to combat rape culture when raising kids
• Everything on this list

Painterly pumpkin patch

Last weekend we made plans for a little playdate at Park Hill Orchard. Kristie and I have been working on shifting Miles's schedule bit by bit to accommodate the upcoming time change (parents, it's Nov. 3!), and he ended up taking such a long nap that we got to the orchard late and could only spend about 20 minutes with our friends before they had to leave to make it home in time for their older kiddo's nap. Sigh...I think this is what adult friendship must look like with kids, right? We rapidfire caught each other up on our lives while the boys (ranging in age from 2 years to 2 months) ran, crawled, and slept respectively.

Once they left, Kristie and Miles and I decided to wander a little.

Magic 8 Ball pregnant Halloween costume

Last Halloween I was very pregnant and grouchy, and fully committed to not dressing up as anything for Halloween. I was ready to eat all the Halloween candy we'd bought (psst – no one trick-or-treats in our neighborhood, so Kristie and I both knew exactly who that "just in case" purchase was really for), and watch a scary movie or two. 

I changed my tune for a Halloween party. It was being thrown by Kristie's boss and I wanted to go with her, and couldn't not go in costume. My hormone-addled brain started turning over ideas for round costumes, and I finally wrung out a memory of one of my favorite childhood toys: the Magic 8 Ball! [affiliate link] 

By this time, I was feeling totally charged up and creative, and suddenly very excited about dressing up. So it wasn't enough to have my belly just look like the toy – it had to "work," too! 

Here's how I made it...

1. I bought two black t-shirts. One I painted with the 8 ball (top shirt), and cut a whole in the other (bottom shirt).
2. I cut out little triangles of blue cardstock and put a few of the short little answers on them with letter stickers (you know, "No," "Yes," "Maybe," etc.).
3. I filled a Ziplock bag with clear aloe vera gel mixed with purple food coloring, sealed it, and bagged it again. I left the top of the outer bag open so I could switch out the triangles as needed (they sat behind the gel bag and inside the outer bag).
4. I taped the bags to my skin under the two shirts, leaving top untaped so I could switch triangles, although I ended up just leaving "No" in there the whole night. (It was the theme of my third trimester!)

That's that! The party was fun, even though a few people thought I was a cue ball (it's okay, I get it). I shared the photos on Facebook and Instagram, but never here until now. 

I'm having the same surge of creative energy for Miles's Halloween costume this year. I didn't really feel any particular inspiration until Kristie came up with a simple DIY costume idea for him, which I metaphorically snatched from her hands and then made approximately 10 times more complicated ;) As with the Magic 8 Ball costume, I forgot I had a blog until it was too late to take process photos, so I'll share the finished product after Halloween! 

Here & there

More on Instagram

Hi friends! Are you looking forward to the weekend? After a visit to the pumpkin patch tomorrow morning, we're headed down to CT for my dear friend Kaela's wedding! I'm so excited to celebrate her marriage, to see friends that I miss so much, and to put Miles in a bowtie again. Kristie and I have sworn up and down to each other, though, that this is the last trip we're taking before Thanksgiving. A daycare cold has caught up with the three of us, and it's time to hunker down a little bit and enjoy fall in our beautiful town. 

 

Links for your Friday

Do you crochet? My friend Jess wrote a cool new book

California schools won't open until 8:30 a.m. so teens can sleep in

DIY rope bowls made from yarn

5 ways to teach children how to handle romantic rejection

I love this collection of control panels

If you like long form journalism/true crime/national parks, check out this piece

Such a pretty blanket!

A font that's designed to help you remember what you read

An interesting breastfeeding bench (I'd use it – Miles gets so distracted whenever we're trying to nurse in public)

10 ways to save produce for the winter

Salem season

Another fall weekend, another trip out of town. This time, to Salem, the day before my birthday! My sister Phoebe came all the way from NYC to celebrate with us for the weekend. We were all excited to spend so much time with her, and Miles especially adores his aunt. 

Phoebe arrived to Northampton Friday night, and we all piled into the car Saturday morning to drive to Salem during the baby's first nap. I'm glad we went the day we did (Sept. 29) because come October, parking is closed to all except Salem residents, and visitors must park out of town and take a shuttle in. 

Two fall things

I baked these pumpkin muffins on the Saturday of our first weekend at home in ages, swapping out the flour for a gluten-free mix. I didn't have any granola on hand for the tops so just sprinkled a few oats, but next time I'll plan to make them in conjunction with this granola. The pumpkin is subtle, which I like. Also next time, I think I'll make my own pumpkin puree. It's almost as easy as taking a can off a shelf, and I'm sure we'll have pumpkins coming out of our ears for a while yet. 

I also finished knitting a baby bonnet for a tiny friend using a pattern from this book [affiliate link]. It's my favorite pattern right now – especially because it's a hat that Miles can't take off! The hat pattern is paired in the book with a pair each of booties and mitts. Thinking of Christmas, I'm working up the whole set. Only the mitts left to go! 

PS – Two more pumpkin projects you might like: Pumpkin spice latte French macarons, and a free pumpkin baby hat knitting pattern.